Since last we spoke

Books being read: 3 (Fiction, Art books x2)
Doctors seen: 2
Museums visited: 2 (V&A and The Natural History Museum)
Jobs applied for: 2
Job Fair visited: 1
Movies seen in the cinema: 1 ('Half Nelson')
Days gardening: 1
Trip to airport: 1

Horrorscope

How do you interpret your horrorscope? Do you apply it to your personal life or lack thereof or to your career or lack thereof?!

This is mine today for Aries:

You rarely feel aimless. But now, just prior to Tuesday's Aries New Moon, you do. You're in the process of disconnecting from elements of the past, from old habits, objectives and even passions. While they're on their way out, life is bound to seem flat. Tempting as it is to seize on the first thing that rekindles those passions, the longer you wait, the more options you'll encounter. What you hear about around the week's close begins as a month-long cycle of searching that promises to lead you into unfamiliar realms and, if you have the patience to wait, to pursuits more exciting than previously than you'd dared dream of.

Things that get on my nerves at present

In no particular order:

1) People who do the washing up with their fingers and with cold water ignoring the sponge and washing up liquid.
2) People who don't raise a hand to say 'thanks' at junctions when driving.
3) People who don't indicate at roundabouts where possible.
4) People who do not say or acknowledge you when you have held a door open for them or let them pass first.
5) People who bump into you and say nothing.
6) People who never call back after weeks.

Hmm, it wan't intended to be a misanthropic post...although I did write 'it was intended to be a misanthropic post' at first!

;)


Other things:

1) My left knee and that fact that it clicks and swells.
2) That my digital camera has a hardware issue and if I want it repaired I need to find the box it came in which is in another box
somewhere and may or may not have an invoice, POP or warranty card in it. I suspect it will be easier to get a new camera...research time.
3) I am not in the place that I want to be yet.

Let's get up to speed

Where were we? Ah the blue pictures were taken while visiting a friend down on the Kent Coast last Sunday. It was one of those English seaside towns that has that slightly melancholy feel to it that everything is transitory. The buildings could do with a lick of paint and it seemed half empty...perhaps the people who live there travel into London while Londoners go there.

It's not as trendy as some of the other seaside towns and so it wasn't as crowded but I liked it for that reason...being near the sea is always something special.

MONDAY...Easter Monday or a Bank Holiday for those in the U.K, I don't know if such things exist in other countries or not. I spent the Monday up in London by eating my version of comfort food in my favourite Chinese restaurant for lunch, I stick to the basic Crispy Pork, Chicken and Choy Sum on rice.

From there I wandered into the National Gallery first to see Leon Kossoff's works and then Manet to Picasso. What struck me first in the gallery was just how many Spanish and French speakers were there. I'm sure everybody has different takes on the works in the exhibition but for me I could see the march towards abstraction and the importance of 'mark' making and its potential in many of the works. Throughout the majority of the work I could see painting as an action, a physical act that was inspired by and recalled nature both in content and technique. Some of Monet's work bordered on abstraction yet still maintained a sense of place but the technique by becoming loose is surely a hint of what was to come in the mid 20th Century onwards. This act of painting, the action of painting begins to manifest itself in the colours and the techniques of showing brushwork and leaving parts of canvases raw and unfinished...or we can just say there some really great pictures including Monet, Van Gogh, Gauguin, Pissarro, Seurat, Degas, Cassat and Picasso.

Then I went to the cinema and saw 'Sunshine' another case of something I interviewed for but didn't get employed. I was very impressed with the multi national cast and the tension was built up very well and the whole look of the film made me wish that I had been on it. After about two thirds of the film though I was getting a bit restless and wanted it to end. I thought the music score was very good and am wondering if that will be released.


TUESDAY - back to reality of sorts and back to trying to figure out just what the hell I'm supposed to do with myself. I am toying with the idea of getting a TEFL qualification and escaping for a while to somewhere and teaching English but this would be a short term solution. If I am going to re-train then there must be no doubts and I must throw myself in 100%, I cannot allow myself to have doubts over what I pursue...the only trouble is I could spend a lifetime trying to convince myself of what is the right thing to do and not actually do anything.

I spent the evening in the company of one of my employed friends in the business that I am disillusioned with and trying to convince myself that I must leave. I cooked Tuna Burgers (using fresh tuna) served with pan-fried Oyster mushrooms, oven roasted new potatoes, salad and a wasabi mayonaise. There was no poisoning and plates were cleared of all food.

Manchester United went nuts in The Champions League against Roma and won by a big margin...grrr!

Chelsea squeaked through with a goal in the last minute of play against Valencia...I was left wondering how comes the Morientes that was playing for Valencia last night couldn't play like that in England.


WEDNESDAY - a little bit of the weekly self-pity drama club, I think this sums it up:

Jerry Maguire: You see this jacket I'm wearing, you like it? Because I don't really need it, because I'm cloaked in failure!

Thankfully that passed and by early evening i met up with my brother and ate hand made noodles...the guy makes the noodles in front of you before watching a very uninteresting football match but one that we wanted to watch regardless.

So now the Champions League Semi Final Line-ups have been decided.

I'm looking for a repeat of the 2005 Final in the teams that play in Athens and the team that wins.

Tech support?

Does anybody know why my digital camera is doing this?

All shots taken outdoors on a bright, sunshiney day...

It seems to take pictures alright indoors in artificial light...

Passion

Somebody who has a passion for something and can show and share that passion is somebody who then becomes attractive to others.

Is it ok?

Is it ok?

That I stay in when its a bright sunny day.

I kinda want to go do something but I'm equally content at home alone today.

Eventually I might go do something...

I check my horrorscope in the Sunday papers this is from last week and seems interesting...

Aries
'Chaucer wrote about this time in The Canterbury Tales: the young Sun in the Ram, sweet Aprille (sic) showers and the rest. The commanding position of the travel planet, Jupiter, suggests that you are considering going on a pilgrimage or a grand tour - or at least making a decision that draws a line under the past. It's a full Moon week, and time for a tide of change.'

Sometimes these things seem very timely...

Feedback

I asked for feedback from the job from March and have learnt 'you might want to practice your general drawing skills a bit more'...fair enough and it is suggested I go to life classes as it can 'really help to develop a more confident and loose line'...again no arguement.

Just who pays for me to do the classes? Err that would be unemployed me!

So while it touches upon areas to improve it concludes with the fact that I should 'try and develop a more complex and advanced portfolio'. But 'complex' and 'advanced' in what way?

I think I shall send another email for an explicit explanation of 'complex' and 'advanced'...I am for self-improvement but at what cost? I don't want to be paying to do the wrong courses or classes.

Should I send another email?!


WORDS OF WISDOM HAVE PREVENTED ME FROM SENDING ANOTHER EMAIL AND MAKING AN ASS OF MYSELF!

THANK YOU TO SHE THAT HAS STOPPED ME.

Stepping out of yourself!

Do you ever write your own biography in your head?

That is to say e.g.

In 2007 he became a (put in occupation) but it also marked a very productive and prolific period in his painting. Whilst the palette remained somewhat limited to a few colours, a few new colour began to creep into the paintings. It was also the year that he met (yet to be met) and it was her influence and support that saw his art go to yet another level.

Or alternately:

He continued to paint as he continued to find himself at odds with the world. It was during this period that he broadened his palette which had been limited to merely three colours. These new paintings and the choice of colours seemed to coincide with the coming of spring that year.

Of course I would have to be a truly great painter for such a biography but one can imagine... ;)


What would an excerpt from your biography say?

Honda Advert - The Impossible Dream

The first time I heard the song even though it's an old track...

It's all been said before

To dream ... the impossible dream ...
To fight ... the unbeatable foe ...
To bear ... with unbearable sorrow ...
To run ... where the brave dare not go ...
To right ... the unrightable wrong ...
To love ... pure and chaste from afar ...
To try ... when your arms are too weary ...
To reach ... the unreachable star ...

This is my quest, to follow that star ...
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far ...
To fight for the right, without question or pause ...
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause ...

And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm,
when I'm laid to my rest ...
And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach ... the unreachable star ...


'The Impossible Dream' (The Quest)

Finding 'home'

Have you truly found a place you can call 'home'?

Or is it really where the heart is?

How do you you know when you've found 'home'?

Finding passion in life

What on earth is going on in my head
You know I used to be so sure
You know I used to be so definite
Thought I knew what love was for
I look around these days and I'm not so sure

Taken from 'My Oh My' by David Gray


I used to have passions for things that I wanted to do and say but I don't have those passions anymore.

What is it that I want to do?

Perhaps, I'm only pursuing that which others say I should because I feel that I should and not because I actually want to.

It's taking an awfully long time to figure out where to go and to follow my heart when my heart knows not where to invest itself anymore.

The answers

The answers to the questions are out there somewhere and so it is that we gather information and collect experiences and hope to make some sort of sense out of the situations that we find ourselves in.

A need for some sort of completion or contentment.

A peace of mind no matter how fleeting or temporary, a chance to switch it off.

I may look back upon these posts with amusement in the future...let us hope so.

Sunday morning musings

Balance in one's life.

Taking the edge off things.

Finding ways to pass the time.

Does each day fill you with joy?

Glass half full or half empty?

Is life a series of events with a modicum of variation, life as an administrative cycle till expiry?

Do we have a sell by date, who knows what this date is?

Is it a great big adventure?

Happy April...