Hmmm

Well, I'm back from my trip down to the South West and you know what I'm not really sure that I need to be back up here close to London.

Alot of angst starts in urban environments for me perhaps its an age thing or just that I really like having the sea at hand that makes me prefer coastal places.

If I start to think about things (which is not always good for me) there doesn't really seem much reason for me to stay on the outskirts of London.

If I am to break from the film industry to do something else then why stay in the smoke to do that?

Things that I know I like:

1) Pie and Mash in the East End of London.
2) Liverpool Football Club and watching a match at Anfield subject to availability.

Not really great reasons for me not to move somewhere else.

Perhaps the secret is not to be so honest about my feelings and my situation to others and to learn to pretend.

I could create a whole new person whose life is the greatest for the benefit of those who have suddenly turned up on Facebook that I didn't speak to when I did know them.

ADDED AT 1640h

Things that I think I'd like to do:

1) Open a small restaurant by the coast.
2) Have a mobile noodle stand by the beach.
3) Own a small jazz bar by the sea.
4) Learn how to surf despite being middle aged.
5) Play jazz (most unlikely)
6) Go back to school and study either Graphic Design, Illustration or Fine Art.
7) Move away from London and its surrounding areas.
8) Travel across America.
9) Go on a ranching holiday in America.
10) See more professional sports live in stadia.

Well then here then now

Since my last post I managed to get some work which looked as if it might be for a couple of weeks but was in the end only a day and a half.

I tried to deliver what was asked of me but was told by the designer that they 'found my visuals disappointing and had to do them again'.

Not really sure what to think but I think its probably the straw that broke this donkey's back. My attempts at getting back to the place that I thought I wanted to be in terms of work have proved largely to be exercises in futility and frustration.

I really think it may be time for me to pursue a new line of work and possibly retrain if that's viable. I think I have an idea what I want to do and now will explore those options.

Perhaps I was only trying to get back into the film industry because that's what everybody else said that I should do and because I didn't know what else to do.

In the meantime I am on a holiday of sotrts having driven out to the south west accompanied by CD's ranging from Curtis Fuller to The House of Pain to Alexi Murdoch.

It's still summer down here I wish i could post pictures but I'm using a computer in the library which even let me log into the internet crack cocaine that is Facebook.

FOOTBALL - Torres delivered on his home debut with a terrific goal as Chelsea robbed Liverpool which one of the worst refeering decisons ever. (Really this sentence probably only makes sense to one person, you know who you are! )

Update

Last Saturday marked the start of the fottball season here in England at long last. I got to see Liverpool open their campaign with a win but not on Setanta Sports but in a pub showing Portuguese coverage (I know it was Portuguese because it was ‘futebol’ and at half time the stories were about Sporting Lisbon) but with the commentary playing on the radio from 5 Live. Now what that meant was that the commentary was about 5 seconds ahead of the action on screen. So you knew it was a goal before the action unfolded on screen although you had a feeling that Gerrard might score when he took the free kick although I must admit that I thought it was going to be 2 points lost until that moment. Yet again Liverpool were creating chances but just not taking them. Big, big game coming up on Sunday 19th against Chelsea at Anfield, I will in front of a TV somewhere.

Normally, I moan about not having nothing much to do on Saturdays but for once I was double booked! It was off to welcome home drinks for a friend’s sister in a converted barn/mill in Hertfordshire first where I’m pretty sure half the drinkers were under 21. What exactly are the drinking rules in this country now? Is it still 18 or is it 21 now? It was put to me by one of the other guests that if you were the bouncer and a young girl in a short skirt was at the door how likely were you going to be strict about asking for I.D. Had to admit I’d probably be lax as well when confronted by some bright young thing on a night out in heels and a skirt.

After an hour it was back in the car and an hour’s drive through London from North to South. For the longest time I haven’t been to a party and even when I had in the past I never really enjoyed them especially ones where I don’t know more than one person. I’ve never been that good at mingling and often find myself tongue tied at introducing myself to strangers at parties even when I’m introduced.

And so it was that I ended up in a hot crowded house full of hot drunk strangers in a part of London that I wasn’t familiar with at all. After getting lost in the car for a good thirty minutes south of the river which I do not know at all I finally found the place after being very surprised at just how busy and crowded the high street was with all the bodies spilling out from numerous bars and pubs. The party had a theme of B.C and some people mainly the girls made some effort at appearing as cavewomen, mythological goddesses and what not. Perhaps I could have tried harder to mix in but instead found myself on the periphery of things as the dance music thudded on around me and the chatter and smell of smoke filled the dark cramped little garden.
One beer later and after numerous glances skywards thinking to myself ‘I don’t like this, I want to get out of here’. I did give it an hour though but decided enough was enough and left.

I suppose I go parties optimistically in the off chance that I might the girl of my dreams and be swept off my feet or manage to sweep somebody off their feet. I don’t know if that’s a naïve or romantic way of looking at things or just plain delusional or as usual over analytical.

Guess what another party this Saturday but should be a much quieter affair and I’ll know more than one person but really I want to go this party to see the host’s dog who really likes me!

On the job front I had another interview last Friday but again didn’t get the job being told last night at 7 p.m that it wasn’t to be. Chin up and all that jazz but it’s getting mighty frustrating.

Committ

Well, I've paid for an evening class starting in September, once a week for 10 weeks in Dreamweaver.

The football season starts on Saturday. I was getting restless without it.

I still do not have a fixed address nor job.

I've been doing some gardening at my Grandparents house. What is the purpose of slugs?

Stephanie said "Get it" about "Time Without Consequence" by Alexi Murdoch a couple of months ago to me and now I'm saying to everybody else "Get it".