Move on

I have so much time to reflect on what has been and wish that I could just move on. What I do know is that I had a life that wasn't going too badly for a while there it looked as if I had the beginnings of a career but I got ill and when I came back new faces had arrived. The new faces were younger, faster and more enthusiastic.

I believe that I lost a certain something be it a joie de vivre when I went through it all. Is there a trade off somewhere? I know that my passion and drive and enthusiasm for my past career has greatly diminished and now I don't know where to direct my energies.

When I think about this blog and its entries I realize that the overriding factor is the search for something. I am looking for meaning to my existence instead of just getting out there and experiencing things.

If the post is confused imagine how I feel! ;)

It's like the second coming of teenage angst.

Birthday

Another year and the number changes and I am greeted by snow on this birthday which disappeared by 4 pm.

If that's confusing imagine how the animals must feel outside! 'Shit, gotta grow my winter fur, wait a minute...' or 'Do I hibernate now?'

Liverpool fell disappointingly on my birthday to the current leaders and likely champions.

Disappointingly I didn't get any messages from anybody here by phone at although various web friends were paying much more attention.

Well life is full of disappoints but lets not dwell on these otherwise it gets too dark and gloomy here.

Drifting apart

I've noticed in other people's recent writings too that in real life or our experiences of it that people have started to drift apart. People that we held dear or thought held us dear have become distant and less inclined to take up invitations to see you or to speak to you.

I suppose we've been guilty of it all ourselves even on here where the impetus to write and share and communicate with others has waned somewhat or it has in my case where I find myself visiting less and less.

I guess we can't see everybody after all as everybody says we all have our own lives and our own problems but still it is disappointing when people pass on invitations or disappear.

Sometimes it seems like friendship is like a revolving door, people come around occasionally pop out on your side or other times just keep on going around and you hear what they're doing but then they're gone.

(heh, I originally wrote 'poop' out)

Some of my typos are more revealing than I realize, this one some will attest is probably most apt.

"Right, I'm off to be."

(What I meant was "Right, I'm off to bed.")

Ramble

Right, then that's what this will be, a rambling freeform spontaneous say what I feel kind of a post.

I feel as if there is something great brewing inside of me just how that will manifest itself I am not entirely sure but it will be a script or a book or a painting. I'm not sure what it'll be about but feel I am hopefully gaining inspiration from reading and looking and watching. I just hope that I can channel all these outside influences without creating a pastiche of influences.

I am continuing to find pleasure in watching Torres and Gerrard play brilliant football between themselves, they just need to get their teammates to stop watching like we spectators and contribute too. There is poetry and fluidity and creativity in football and you never know when that might be but its worth the wait of 90 minutes for me. i marveled at Torres and Gerrard's interplay today against Newcastle. Torres flicking the ball onto Gerrard's head and then speeding off into space as Gerrard played the ball through diagonally with his left foot. The brilliance of Torres in letting the ball run past himself and the advancing goalkeeper and his pace to shift across to slide the ball in.

I'm not sure why I enjoy ten pin bowling perhaps because its something I can do by myself or with company. There is satisfaction though in rolling a strike and making your spares if you miss your strike. Perhaps its the short burst of concentration or the striving for perfection but it appeals to me. Learning to and knowing where you want to roll the ball and then trying to achieve that while sounding simple is not but I enjoy that challenge.

I do want to travel but while I have so many destinations in mind I do not actually seem to be doing anything about going. I know in part this is due to noyt wanting to go on my own. Although at times I do prefer to travel alone or want to go to places by myself, its a strange line between wanting to be alone and feeling lonely.

So far if my interests were to be judged by the amount of text on each it looks as if football is winning.

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