Move on
I have so much time to reflect on what has been and wish that I could just move on. What I do know is that I had a life that wasn't going too badly for a while there it looked as if I had the beginnings of a career but I got ill and when I came back new faces had arrived. The new faces were younger, faster and more enthusiastic.
I believe that I lost a certain something be it a joie de vivre when I went through it all. Is there a trade off somewhere? I know that my passion and drive and enthusiasm for my past career has greatly diminished and now I don't know where to direct my energies.
When I think about this blog and its entries I realize that the overriding factor is the search for something. I am looking for meaning to my existence instead of just getting out there and experiencing things.
If the post is confused imagine how I feel! ;)
It's like the second coming of teenage angst.
I believe that I lost a certain something be it a joie de vivre when I went through it all. Is there a trade off somewhere? I know that my passion and drive and enthusiasm for my past career has greatly diminished and now I don't know where to direct my energies.
When I think about this blog and its entries I realize that the overriding factor is the search for something. I am looking for meaning to my existence instead of just getting out there and experiencing things.
If the post is confused imagine how I feel! ;)
It's like the second coming of teenage angst.
posted by fb at
4:05 PM
5 Comments:
Yes, it does seem like a new adolescence. Not that I think you have adolescent thinking, but it's the quest that you're on.
As for losing the joie de vivre...I believe that when something really traumatic happens to one's body, the mind and the spirit cannot help but be affected. Because we are whole. I don't mean this to sound esoteric, I think it's quite logical actually.
i missed your birthday. i am so sorry. happy birthday. thanks for being here all this time, practically centuries in internet time. xx
i don't know about joie de vivre, i think you are going through a premature midlife crisis. It is premature because by today's life expectancy people should have it at around 50 but it is a leftover of an older society and its demands on us. We are still very very young and have all the time in the world to make more mistakes. x
i agree that it's like a new adolescence. it's just finding the path again.
i can't imagine finding my way (an art career) and then losing it. i've never had it, so in many ways, i don't know what i'm missing.
"i wonder if everything i do
i do instead
of something i want to do more
the question fills my head
i know there's no grand plan here
this is just the way it goes
when everything else seems unclear
i guess at least i know"
See...the whole thing is, you're searching for something, but you also have the answer.
i think that in this world, so much changes so quickly and all the time. and then in addition to the so called normal life others have, you went through some rather traumatic stuff that one can hardly imagine. so that is twice the life and hence, at least, twice the questions one asks about life and its meaning. and then you are probably twice as demanding of yourself. and birthdays tend to be even more introspective times than regular days.
so... yeah, also what stephanie said. and now can you imagine if you were sort of brain dead, zombie like and not questioning anything? not looking for anything? that doesn't sound like much fun. not like waking up one day and jetting off to america to take a look-see. i ramble, so i'll stop now.
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