Six

From DevilMood to me,

The Rules:
- Link to the person that tagged you.
- Post the rules on your blog.
- Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
- Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
- Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.


1) I have no idea what I want to do with myself.

2) I hated the smell of frying mushrooms and the taste as a child but have now grown out of that to a degree. I still don't like the smell of button mushrooms frying but like exotic mushrooms fried in olive oil with pancetta, garlic and parsley.

3) Three is the number I wore when I played football as a 10 year old for my school. I played left back despite being right footed but learned to kick with my left foot reasonably well.

4) I don't think I'm meant to be in England but am.

5) Apparently I was bi-lingual speaking Japanese and English until the age of four and then I started school.

6) I have been stuck wondering what to do with myself for 17 years.




I'm tagging:

- Stephanie in Australia.

- Pandave in NYC.

- b in her new place.

- chloe in Greece.

- steph in Brighton because we don't hear anything.

- gimchi in Florida.

Not quite finished

Self Portrait, 2008

The canvas is actually square and I'm still not happy with the background...

It's not even February

It's not even February and I feel like I'm in a rut.

Oh, those things that I say I have to do and mean to do have not been started.

The things that you know you should do but don't want to do.

Perhaps I'm still emotionally a teenager.

I really had thought that I'd be settled into what I'd want to be doing but that's not the case at the moment...still.

It's quite bizarre to look over the entries of the past two years and to see what I had to say this time then.

Joyless

Where do you find joy?

Is it like love and it can't be bought?

Letters

Are Blog entries somewhat like letters?

Are they the letters we would write to somebody if we could?

For some long phone calls will suffice and perhaps no Blog entry or even a Blog would occur to them.

Our thoughts and observations and on how we perceive the world would in the past have been kept as a journal or a diary or perhaps even sent as a letter.

Except here we can experience an almost instant feedback and reply and possible answer to our thoughts and observations.

Demons

People talk about 'personal demons', I wonder where and when this first came into existence. I'm sure if I look it up I could find out.

Today has been strange I can feel myself sinking into self-pity and can quite honestly say 'I'm not happy'.

What is the cause? A mixture of things I think, the pain in my left knee and thigh probably doesn't help, the weather dropping in temperature (how would I cope in Canada!) the lack of job prospects, the lack of motivation and interest in trying to understand the software that people are starting to use at work, being suddenly dropped from other people's Facebook Friends lists for no reason that I know of, not feeling like I'm connecting with people, realizing that other than work I don't actually have much in common with alot of people, that I feel somewhat isolated here because I don't know anybody locally.

That'll do for now, now what I should do is look at the list and try to tackle each item one by one and try to resolve them.


Supplemental:

I am very fortunate that I have a comfortable place to live and that I can feed myself but sometimes the blues just hit me.


'Most cynics are really crushed romantics: they've been hurt, they're sensitive, and their cynicism is a shell that's protecting this tiny, dear part in them that's still alive.' - Jeff Bridges

Join the world!

I need to get out there and to actually spend more time with people.

I'm spending too much time in my own company again.

I enjoy art but need to spend time around others who want to create too.

I feel that sometimes creativity stems from being around others who are creating too, creativity feeds into itself. Inspiration comes from others creative impulses perhaps this is why art schools exist or Van Gogh wanted to start a commune at some point artists need others to inspire them.

Where these notions come from I'm not entirely sure probably from an over active mind that has spent too much time on its own trying to work out why it's spent in its own company.

Right now though I'm still experiencing a great deal of pain where a tooth used to be. Through neglect and probably from drinking tea with one sugar, one tooth which was already bad decided to pack it in and so I had it pulled.

Its now 0220am GMT and so I shall try to go to sleep and not worry about not being the man I'd like to be or where I should live or would like to live or like to be doing with my time.




AMENDMENT:

22/01/08

I have started painting a picture (actually started a few days ago)

I am seeing people tomorrow.

2007 in Review

Taken from Devil Mood's Blog but with different answers.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
Went to Boston, St Ives and Padstow.


2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
It seems I didn't make any and haven't thought about it.


3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nah.


4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.


5. What countries did you visit?
United States of America.


6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
More confidence.


7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Got to go to Fenway Park and saw Beckett win one of his 20 and Okajima get and award and close the game out.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Saying 'f*** it' and going to Boston.


9. What was your biggest failure?
Failing interview after interview for work.


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing additional to what's been before.


11. What was the best thing you bought?
Plane ticket.


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I guess my brother's wedding.


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Attitude of potential employers who don't call to let you know where you stand.
Liverpool's Champions League Final Performance.


14. Where did most of your money go?
Books and DVDs.


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I'd like to get really, really, really excited about something.


16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Again the years have blurred an so I can't recall.


17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
Not happy not sad definitely fatter and richer.


18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Painting, learning.


19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Wondering what the hell to do with myself and not doing enough to change things.


20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home.


21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
No.


22. What was your favorite TV program?
Probably 'Heroes'.


23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I wouldn't say hate but there a couple of people who I now realize are not honest people.


24. What was the best book you read?
Confused about when I read certain things but read Murakami shorts and latest novel.


25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Alexi Murdoch. Jim's Big Ego.


26. What did you want and get?
-


27. What did you want and not get?
Despite thinking and saying I didn't really want it, I really did want them...couple of film jobs.


28. What was your favorite film of this year?
'Bourne Ultimatum' and rediscovering 'The Big Lebowski' on DVD.


29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
35 and went to Tate Modern and ate Tapas afterwards.


30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If things had fallen into place.


31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
T-shirts and jeans.


32. What kept you sane?
Hah.


33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Never thought about it.


34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Think there are issues in the Middle East that will never be resolved and it disappoints me that they can't be.


35. Who did you miss?
There are people who appeared on Facebook that I realize I have missed.


36. Who was the best new person you met?
Boston crew.


37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
I need to learn to fake happy and enthusiatic.


38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning
Actually it's more like most of the time
But every now and then when I'm sleeping
I still have a dream that I'm flying

Alexi Murdoch 'Dream about Flying'