Another odd post

Well, I'm still touring Internet Cafes of different quality. So far one of the more interesting times has been using a black keyboard where most of the letters were worn off. I guess its a measure of how familiar we arewith keyboards that despite the keys being smooth black plastic, the location of the letter 'a' is firmly ingrained in one's head and so you manage.

I've been staying with my grandparents and watching satellite TV including Japanese Tv...they really do have some strange TV shows over there.

I'm still beating myself up over what to do etcetra but must watch out that if I am to do any courses to learn new stuff that I hurry up and choose before I've procratinated past all deadlines!

Hope you're all well out there!

Life goes on

I've been doing a mini tour of internet cafes and falling into my third week of the month low moods but life goes on.

It's sometimes good just to be out even if its walking around an um=nfamilkiar neighbourhood.

Nothing profound to say today.

On the move again

In a few days I move homes again and with it lose my steady internet connection for an indefinite amount of time maybe 6 weeks or so. I am still in a strange place in regard to myself and my place in this world.

It seemed as if I would start a job in my previous career for at least 6 weeks which would have been an ideal testing ground and I got through three days without any trouble. Yet things were to be beyond my control as various difficulties with monies promised and contracts between parties meant that a 'hiatus' period would be taken. I received no payment for my work and have yet again been laid off. Again I now find myself questioning the wisdom of the pursuit of a career in film. Such paucity of work really does make one question the reasons for staying or trying to get into or carry on with it. The trouble is I've had a taste of it and want to get the taste back and maybe get even more. Yet while I was ill juniors moved up and caught up or maybe even surpassed me and new faces entered the arena.

I am also acutely aware that is seems to be the main preoccupation in my life and is indeed a vicious circle that I cannot remove myself from. The loss of my place in the industry has caused extreme anxiety and I guess stress in that this is not the life I had imagined I would be living at the age that I am. Somehow I had thought i would be more settled and have a place to call my own and be taking part in barbecues and dog walks in the park yet I have or somebody has conspired not for that to be my life at this moment in time.

While I am acutely aware that I need to work and often consider other careers or completely retraining I also find it objectionable when other people tell me to find Temping Work or ask why I can't find other work. If I knew those answers I'd be working. I beat myself up contantly over this chronic inability to get employed or to get a career path that could make a 'happier' or more complete person.

I have started to look at my life in different ways I could argue that God or some divine force has something better for me that is why I am still here or that is why the job went down. I could say God or whatever is trying to tell me not to pursue film as a careeer. Or in this reicarnation I am living difficulty as punishment for previous indiscretions. Regardless I'd like a sign please as to where I'm meant to be going. It doesn't even have to be a big F*** off neon one that plays music, it can be something small but dumb s*** that I am, it's got to be clear. Thank you.

Wisdom

I picked up this quote from an interview with the actress Maggie Gyllenhaal:

Before she even started in the movie business, she says, she was wise to it. "One thing I learned, from watching my parents, is that you can be on top of the world and then the next year you can be nowhere. And then, later, you're interesting again; and then, suddenly, you're not. I watched that happen to them, and I watched it hurt them. I think I'm a bit armed by having seen that."

Indeed wise words that I will heed as I start back upon the path.

Life Coaching?

Are there really so many people who are lost in life? I admit I am a little unsure of myself and my direction but what I didn't expect was to see so many sites when I put 'Life Coaches' into a search engine.

It's largely one of those new industries that is unregulated, there are courses being offered to become a coach as well as coaches offering their services.

But when did we all become so confused? I put it down to my illness and the subsequent difficulties that i have encountered getting back to finding a passion for something but what about everybody else?

Where did this need for life coaching spring up from is it just a variation on councilling or therapy?

In this digital age where i am putting out my questions to vurtual strangers and friends has the problem arisen because people no longer spend enough time with people just being people.

Obsessions with property, mortgages, perfect lifestyles and achieving a certain way of living have taken over the way we live.

It occurs to me as i write this that 'Fight Club' addressed this in some way or that is how I am choosing to quantify my observation as a product of too much time too myself being informed of what life could be or maybe should be my multimedia.

So am I going to find me a life coach? Can't afford one.

Am I going to become a life coach? Sometimes its easier to tell others how to increase their ability than to recognise your own.

Is there a point to this post? Not really but if t's provoked some sort of take on these things I'd be interested to read them.

Decisions, decisions, decisions

8

The Rules are:
- We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
- Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
- People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
- At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
- Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1) I'm not really that clever.
2) I tried to learn the piano, cello and trumpet.
3) I didn't like mushrooms as a child.
4) I don't like cricket.
5) I like chicken livers.
6) I can't sing.
7) I don't like to dance.
8) I can't run.

I have tagged the following:
(I don't know eight to tag so 4 will have to suffice)

b
gimchi
pandave
rachel