Thursday, January 05, 2006

Everybody's Changing

I don't know if its Post Operative Blues, Seasonal Affective Disorder or just being being an over sensitive, need to get out of my own headspace kind of a mood but I feel somewhat disconnected and disjointed from the world. Its almost as if I live life vicariously through other peoples stories in books, in blogs, movies, tv...

By not taking part in life for the last 6 months where my days were passed by very little interaction other than hospital appointments and buying tickets for trains, I spent alot of time in books, graphic novels, movies and galleries in the company of the self.

I kept in touch with voices on the end of the telephone but I saw few people and I've come to question my place in life many times over.

It's a big world out there and I'm being swallowed up by it...


KEANE

"Everybody's Changing"

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

11 Comments:

Blogger Devil Mood said...

You're not being swallowed up by the world. How do I know that? Don't ask but I do. There's nothing wrong with leaving through other people's experiences or fiction - that's what it exists for. Of course, sometimes we might think that we weren't living enough of our own experiences but perhaps it's not the right time for you to live them. Perhaps the most important thing right now is for you to recuperate (from what I could gather). When you're feeling more like yourself maybe things will happen naturally.

9:18 PM  
Blogger Devil Mood said...

Of course, I meant "living" and not "leaving" - these similar words trick me. I hate it when I can't correct my comments ;P

9:19 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Sometimes I think I would love to have a period of quiet where I could take in the cultural things that I feel I am missing (books, DVDs, CDs etc..). Enjoy it, but make an effort to invite friends over too. Human contact, face-to-face, helps put it all in perspective. Get well soon.

11:00 PM  
Blogger Cathy said...

fb;
I am with you. I was swallowed by the world the past few months and now being spat back out again. I hate change.

2:23 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

I was going to counter your Keane with a happy song, but as you know, my ipod is depressed and not cooperating...so, I'll just say...hang in there. You've been through a lot, but it gets better. seriously :)

5:25 AM  
Blogger missy said...

If you ever need to chat to some stranger, let me know. I know a lot of random stranger :-)

We're all thinking of you!

11:56 AM  
Blogger x said...

Feeling disconnected, that can happen even if you go out every day.
When something of that scale happens -physically i mean- we are told to take it easy and come back to full health in 2-3 months. But it never occurs to anyone to tell us that emotional health is going to be fully restored in a few months too. These things go hand in hand.

5:51 PM  
Blogger fb said...

Devil Mood

Hello! Nice of you to drop by...I'm coming to visit.

Stephanie (Brighton)

Thank you and I think I do need to see people too.

Cathy

Why do I have this urge to listen to 'Changes' by Bowie now?

Stephanie (Boston)

Ipod Depression is quite familiar here too despite the attempts at creating uplifting playlists...

NM

Welcome back...


Chloe

I can't help...MTV generation I want it now! I forget its only been 18 days since I left the hospital!

Steve

You're a poet...the best kind you don't even know it.

6:28 PM  
Blogger Pepsicology said...

This seems like a new wave, I was thinking about these topic as well, "reality bites".

12:48 AM  
Blogger lady miss marquise said...

A very good friend said to me yesterday

*Everything is benefit*

Even when life seems bleak, it's a stepping stone to something greater, and that the bleak time is a time to grow and strengthen your resolve. Change is inevitable, it's how you live and acknowledge it that makes all the difference.

My theory is that it's a new year, and despite last year trying to to stifle me, it's now in the past and all I can do ias look forward. One little step at a time...
Good luck!
x

11:51 AM  
Blogger Eric said...

Change is unavoidable, one of those parts of life we have no choice but to roll with, although that doesn't make it any easier. Thoreau had a similar quote that I posted on my blog.

Cheer up dude, maybe things will change for the better. ^_^

6:51 PM  

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