Stage 1 Complete
Last week I went to the studios and tried to draw in the class where I first learnt the skills that took me to my present freelance status. I spent 3 days in a pretty close approximation of my previous and to be continued working environment. I say close because I only went 930am till 430pm as opposed to 8am till 7pm and I wasn't being paid.
The anxiety I had from just going there to test the waters seem ridiculous now but at the time were very real to me. After all I had had no real motivation to pick up a pencil in the way that I used them at work. Sure I had sort of drawn in the past 9 months or so filling up sketchbooks with various doodles but I hadn't drawn on detail paper with a scale rule.
What if I had forgotten how to do it? What if I couldn't do it anymore? Would I fall flat on my face?
In the end it wasn't so bad, weird yes and a good testing ground but stamina wise I was very tired by 430pm...so while I remain conflicted in my mind about being ready or not to start looking for work I guess I am not ready yet.
Work? There's a funny thing part of me is very aware that I need to get back to work and there is another part which is still full of trepidation and comes up with numerous reasons not to phone about work. Some days I feel I could and should go about finding work with gusto and other days I am still concious that this freefall that I've been in is still where I need/want to be.
Its a strange thing thing becuse I have no point of reference and people say everybody is different and I'll know when I'm ready. But how? How does one know when one is ready?
I think too much.
The anxiety I had from just going there to test the waters seem ridiculous now but at the time were very real to me. After all I had had no real motivation to pick up a pencil in the way that I used them at work. Sure I had sort of drawn in the past 9 months or so filling up sketchbooks with various doodles but I hadn't drawn on detail paper with a scale rule.
What if I had forgotten how to do it? What if I couldn't do it anymore? Would I fall flat on my face?
In the end it wasn't so bad, weird yes and a good testing ground but stamina wise I was very tired by 430pm...so while I remain conflicted in my mind about being ready or not to start looking for work I guess I am not ready yet.
Work? There's a funny thing part of me is very aware that I need to get back to work and there is another part which is still full of trepidation and comes up with numerous reasons not to phone about work. Some days I feel I could and should go about finding work with gusto and other days I am still concious that this freefall that I've been in is still where I need/want to be.
Its a strange thing thing becuse I have no point of reference and people say everybody is different and I'll know when I'm ready. But how? How does one know when one is ready?
I think too much.
posted by fb at
10:20 AM
8 Comments:
Maybe you're ready when you can't stand not to work anymore (I wonder if that actually happens to anyone...)
But sometimes you can't recapture the pleasure you have on doing something, if you don't start doing it again...
But what do I know?
and sometimes one needs to just start down the path, and press pause on the overanalysis button. perhaps being ready does'n mean when will it be simple, but when are you ready to challenge yourself? but didn't you just come through a challenge the winner? congratulations!!
I've spend lots of time thinking about things like this, and okay, maybe I am going against the usual advice, and maybe against things I may have said in the past even, but I don't think we DO know when we're ready for things. Sometimes you have to take the giant leap (or a series of little leaps) and set the things in motion or you will spend your whole life wondering...now? Is now the time? The things I've found most rewarding and amazing in life have often been the things that have initially terrified me the most. You can do it!
hm, freelancing. that takes a lot of motivation - one day i hope to have this sort of motivation to get me through life. i'm only just now realizing what i'm going to need to actually get what i want. i hope you find it as well! *hug*
fb;
I think this was a great post and I just finished reading one written by Dr. Deb (she is linked on my blogroll); today's post might be relevant for you. Take care.
Anxiety CAN be so debilitating at times. It takes away so many things that we do without thinking. I hope you can slow down the thinking. You are right, it is sometimes too much!
Thanks for stopping by to visit me.
~Deb
You know it's time to get to work again when you run out of money for groceries.
But seriously, I agree with Stephanie. You could spend all your time wondering about the right time to do it, while that time really just passes by. You become stuck in a perpetual state of "Should I?"
I agree with Stephanie, how can you know unless you take that step forward and jump right in.
Good luck with it all... nad keep letting us know your progress.
x
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